I have no idea what I am doing?
Does it look like I do?
Social media has a great way of creating the highlight reel, even if someone is talking about their struggles, oh look she is being so vulnerable and authentic, I can’t do that, she must have something I don’t have.
Is that not so true?
Well maybe some of the people we see on social media do have it all together and feel as if they know exactly what they are doing, but I am here to say that is not me and if it is not you that is okay, because we can do this crazy thing called life together.
As the imperfect, hot messes, but entirely whole and enough women that we are.
I have HIGH expectations for myself, and when I say high, I mean not even realistic expectations. I use to believe that the people in my life had created the expectations and put them on me, but nope that was all me. Once I realized that it helped, but they were still there, I was still trying to jump through all the hoops to impressed who? Myself, but I had done so much personal development, I am “suppose” to know I am enough and perfect just the way I am.
Well in certain moments I can feel that way, but just as fast as I felt it, it disappears.
Because I really have no idea what I am doing.
I got thrown into this whole young mom thing, instead of sinking I chose to swim, just because that is the type of person I am. I am thankful for my determination and drive, but now I am lost.
Lost in the never ending battle to keep up with it all and still be me. I am still Marie Stromsmoe, right?
As a mom your job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, no breaks. I knew that before I had Everly, but there was no way to know how that was going to feel until I was living in it.
Breastfeeding, starts it all, complete BS when they make it sound like it isn’t hard. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not just getting Everly to actually latch on and suck properly, stressing that she isn’t getting enough, feeling like a failure because I couldn’t get her in the right position, thinking about quitting, but knowing how many amazing health benefits it has and not wanting to rob your child of that.
The sleepless nights that come with breastfeeding, like come on, I was just awake for 24 hours delivering this baby and I NEVER get to fully recover from that because my full time job has arrived on earth and a full night sleep is a joke… haha.
As my way of trying to grasp on to anything I had left of Marie, I started my own business when Everly was 3 weeks old. It was a life saver because it gave me something for myself it also meant I was now a new mom and a new entrepreneur. That comes with it’s own set of challenges. Maybe another post, stay tuned 😉
Not only did I now have a small human to keep alive I still have all the expectations of a “good women” in my mind, the invisible jobs, that just magically get done, right? NO!
When I turn around and my house looks like a total mess and my babe doesn’t even move yet, yes somehow I have created a huge mess, just trying to keep her happy. The laundry is piling up, the dishes are not in the dish washer, the floors need mopping, the bathroom needs cleaning, the house needs dusting, oh the dog needs out, the bed that is NEVER made, workout time that is no where is sight and personal hygiene, what is that?
I also try really hard to have some time for myself to practice self-care, but small pockets are hard to find after all the house and business to-do list is done, then finding time to spend with my boyfriend and friends, the list of expectations goes on and on, and I am doing it to myself.
So this girl with high expectations for herself and her life, yup you guessed it, all her expectations are shattered daily, so now what?
Now, this is when I look at myself in the mirror and love myself for who I am, and share my story in hopes that others can connect with it.
Marie Stromsmoe 